You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
