We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
