the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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