I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
