Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
