I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
