i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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