Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
