omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
