She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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