I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
