If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love having hate sex.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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