In America we eat man semen.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
