Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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