Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
zippers are such a cool invention
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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