Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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