Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
