i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
