He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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