What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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