He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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