I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
