Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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