She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
