saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
