I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
