shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
