I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
