Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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