things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
