i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
