bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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