Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
