I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
