I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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