I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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