gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize