You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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