I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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