rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
