Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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