The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
