her vagine was all disorganized.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
