Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
