I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
