Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
operation have a gay friend backfired
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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