Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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