Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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