No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
