booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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