like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
