guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
