I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just invented taco cereal.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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