if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
