so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
