ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
