She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
