Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
