Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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