How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
