How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
