remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
