Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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